In December 2017, I “quit Facebook,” by which I mean I chose to deactivate my account. Many months later, I woke in the middle of the night thinking of someone I’d met in Newcastle Upon Tyne who had been very kind to me, but whose name I could not remember. I realized the only place I could go to find her name was Facebook. It was as if she lived “in Facebook” to me, the way people live in Durham, NC or Seattle. The idea (and clever portmanteau) of a “Facation”—a vacation to the “land” of Facebook—occurred to me and thus began my boundary-setting experiment with this technology.
I made plans to visit Facebook like I would visit Durham, NC, where I used to live. I thought of all the people I’d want see and catch up with while I was there. I thought about all the things I’d want to tell them about my life. I envisioned us sharing an asynchronous cup of coffee across time and space, remembering and reveling in each other.
As I would with any vacation, I bounded my Facation to a set number of days (a week), set a date (the last week of the year) and I made a plan. At the end of 2018, I reactivated my account and made my first post. I told everyone I’d be there for a week and couldn’t wait to catch up. Each day, I went through sections of my friends list and clicked on the pages of people I wanted to check in with. I wrote a single, lengthy, picture-filled post each day about my life. Dozens of people chimed in on the comments with their encouragements, commiserations, and own updates. I maintained several chatty back-and-forth conversations through private messages. A week later, I said my goodbyes and see-you-next-years and deactivated again, re-entering the blissful world of (effectively) not having a Facebook account. A year later, I repeated my Facation and it was just as life-giving, connecting, and worthwhile.
I imagine a future where we collectively plan annual “digital reunions,” gathering as one big group in some digital locale where everyone invests in creating thoughtful, robust, and connective content. Until then, I’ll continue to hold this complicated and fraught technology at arms length—distancing myself from the platform while doing my best to avoid distancing myself from those I hold dear that live upon it.